Last week I came across something that I actually first thought to be a joke. It was a news segment about a blasphemous pineapple that allegedly got a secular student alliance kicked out of their fresher fair. The reason I thought it was a joke was since I had only a week earlier seen a post on r/atheism with the headline “Found a picture of Muhammad. Nowhere in the Quran does it state, that he is not in fact a pineapple.”. This was posted by the user DANCING-GOD, and included a picture of a pineapple. Well, apparently this was the source for the inspiration of The Reading University Atheist, Humanist and Secularist Society (RAHS), who took a pineapple to their fresher fair and named it Mohammed. This was done to promote their upcoming debate “Should religion be respected?”. They said the pineapple’s mission was to “encourage discussion about blasphemy, religion, and liberty”.
So what happened then? In the afternoon someone informed them that many complaints hade been made about their “blasphemous pineapple”. They were told that “either the pineapple goes, or you”. They had to re-chirsten the pineapple to Jesus to end the big fuss.
First of all, let me just say: what the actual fuck!? It’s blasphemous to name a pineapple Mohammed!? I have friends who are named Mohammed, I know dozens of people from the Middle East who are named Mohammed! And just for your information, Mohammed just so happens to be the most common given name on this planet. And I’m pretty sure we all know why. This was something that I actually thought about a while back. Muslims name their children Mohammed in the honor of their great prophet, but isn’t that a bit odd considering how sacred he is and how well they try to prevent him from being depicted in any way? A stick figure on a piece of paper named Mohammed would be blasphemous, and apparently so is a pineapple. But millions of people named Mohammed is okay? I don’t even…
How many Christians name their kids Jesus? Well obviously there are Mexicans who do so, but Christians know that naming people after their savior would pretty much lessen the status the name has, and thus also lessen Jesus’ status and importance. But Muslims give the name of their prophet away like freakin’ goldfish at a carnival. But then it’s all of a sudden blasphemous to name a pineapple after their prophet? How fucking retarded are you people? No, really? I ask it with uttermost interest and concern. Get your priorities together. You can’t flip shit over a pineapple named Mohammed when half of your neighbours carry the very same name. And just to take this a little further, I’ve decided to catch in on this new naming trend. So from now on my bike will be called Muhammed. And my favorite mug. Maybe I’ll even name my private parts after him. So now I’ll drink some sinful alcohol from Muhammed, take Muhammed and ride him to a local pub, and see if I can can score some hot piece of tail so little Muhammed could find himself a warm, comfortable cave to stay in tonight where he can have himself a big “revelation”.