Part 4: The cousin

So how oh how did I get more involved with the church if no one called? Hold on to your hats and fats. The Mormons always find their way to me, since our destinies were intertwined and predetermined by the hand of our almighty Gandalf look-alike in the sky. Bullshit, they were stalking me is more like it, attacking me from every side. The missionaries I met didn’t have the chance to call me since the missionaries from Utah called me, and surprise, surprise, the one from my home country had relatives living in Dis. So she asked me if I found it admissible for her to give my number to her cousin, so he could contact me. At this point I realized there was no reason to start severing my ties with the church. I had started venturing into this church, and with Zeus as my witness, I had to go deeper. I couldn’t turn back now. So she got my permission to give my number to her cousin. And what do you know, a couple of days later this cousin fella calls me up.

It was Saturday evening when her cousin called me. He introduced himself as David and said he was about to spend the evening with some friends and play video-games. At this point we were nowhere near the point where he would’ve asked me if I wanted to come to church the following day, but I did tell him about the encounter with the missionaries. Yet again I received an “awesome”, and he said that he’d have to talk with people at the church the following day and that he’d call me once he knew something.

I woke up quite early that Sunday. What, you didn’t expect me to be hung over on this oh so holy day, now did you? One of the most exasperating phenomena that exists in this galaxy is the fact that a perfectly nice day during the weekend, when one could spend the day sleeping in, the human brain doesn’t allow us to fall asleep again even though we’ve only slept 7-8 hours. During weekdays when we might have slept 9-10 hours and are awakened by our alarm clocks, we could do with some more sleep. Sometimes I hope there is some bearded or frog-headed (or a bearded and frog-headed) god up there, who exists for the sole purpose of making our lives miserable. I can’t cope with the fact that this fucked up sleep pattern would be natural. In that case it would be a very sucky natural phenomenon indeed. I made me some tea and turned on the computer. I knew that the needless worship of their god would be done in the early afternoon, so I had quite a lot of time to indulge myself in meaningless chatting with friends and some sinning, like drinking tea and denying the existence of the Holy Ghost. Christianity only has one unforgivable sin, and that is to deny the Holy Ghost’s existence. Do that and nothing on Earth can ever save you anymore from eternal hellfire. Mormons also believe this, but they also have a second unforgivable sin: murder. Maybe this is a good time to give you a brief look into the reality of a Mormon.


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