Part 10: Home sweet Mormon Home

When the meeting was over we gathered in the main hall. David’s father asked me if I wanted to join them for dinner. Well, I was hungry. But somehow this hospitality was not to my taste. I’m a modest guy, and didn’t really want to impose. On the other hand it felt really rude to decline. So I thought that it’d be nice to eat some real home-cooked food for once. As a student I really just live on the food at the university and on some easy recipes at home.

They lived a bit outside the city. About 15 minutes by car. At their house an eager dog was waiting for us. David showed me around the house and his dad showed me pictures of Sarah. She looked just as cute as I had imagined her. See, I told you I had a natural talent for this. We waited for Mrs. Silverman to prepare the food. Mr. Silverman was eager to know more about me. My family, my religious background, my likes and dislikes, things like that. He asked if there was anything special that had stuck from all this time with the Mormons. I told him that one thing which made more sense than my previous faith was the thing of god and Jesus being to separate beings. Mormons don’t believe in the holy trinity. They were pleased to hear that I felt more comfortable with something in their faith than my last. I mean this of course was true. I didn’t lie to them when I told them that I never could wrap my head around the holy trinity thing. My priests never knew how to explain it to make it sound sensible. Maybe because you can’t explain it so it would make sense. It’s one of the stupidest things I’ve ever heard. On the other hand, the creepy part about having them as separate, PHYSICAL beings was the thing of Elohim having real, physical, carnal pleasure with Mary when impregnating her, as I mentioned before. This was so Greek mythology. Gods sleeping with mortals.

The food was excellent, that was for sure. When the dessert was in the oven, we suffered a power outage. Apparently god didn’t want heretics like me fed. I drank the last of my coke and then we kind of just… goofed off. Not much could be done with no electricity. Shows how dependent we are on it.

Oh yeah, I said coke. These were some badass Mormons. See, caffeinated soft drinks are an endless debate within the Mormon Church. No one really knows if they should be allowed to drink or not. Joseph never forbade caffeine; he only spoke of “hot beverages”. This the Mormons have interpreted as coffee and tea, and coffee is rich with caffeine, so some believe caffeine should be avoided. Some take it that far. Speaking of taking things too far, the no-alcohol thing is also something Joseph Smith never talked about. He only forbade wine and strong spirits. He never talked about beer or other beverages with a low amount of alcohol. Some Mormons don’t even think it’s okay to drink alcohol-free beer, or to toast with champagne glasses filled with alcohol-free cider. Why? Since they don’t think Mormons should even look like they were drinking alcohol. Mormons are allowed to drink orange juice though, and orange juice contains alcohol, since yeasts and bacteria living on the peel get into the juice when the orange is handled or squeezed, and here they turn sugar into carbon dioxide and alcohol. So orange juice has an alcohol content of 0.07 – 0.09%. Maybe they should stop drinking orange juice too.

David decided that he could take me home, since we weren’t able to watch the TV-series he had wanted to show me. During the car trip he asked me if I was interested in coming to Family Night the following day. Family Night is not really what it sounds like. It’s mostly young Mormons getting together at church, usually lead by an elder couple. He added that after Family Night they would be playing floorball in the gymnasium, and asked if I’d like to join. I told him that as long as they provided the sticks I’d be glad to join.


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