Part 15: Preparing for my baptism

When I started to realize I needed to wrap up my thing with the Mormons, I gave in the next time they asked if it was okay to set a date for my baptism. Dawkins assured me that if I just prayed, read the BoM, attended church, and kept the laws I had promised to keep, I would gain a feeling of certainty that their teachings were true. I did read a bit of the BoM. I did pray with Sarah when she called, and I prayed with the missionaries. I went to church, where they were all excited about my baptism. The teaching session was about baptism, and the priests announced my upcoming baptism. I kept the laws I saw fit. Religion is all about cherry picking anyway.

During this last time of going to church, I was told about something very exciting. One week after my baptism, there would be a meeting of young single adults. This meeting would be taking place in Avernus, comfortably located as near as possible to as many Mormons as possible. The trip would be done by bus, and would not even cost much. To be honest, it was very cheap. A thought came to me. How about I let myself get baptized and then go look for a little Mormon hottie for me? Of course I knew that I’d uncover a lot of other juicy things about what really happened during all kinds of meetings if I were to become a Mormon, but to uncover the juiciest things I’d have to be Mormon for life. I was not prepared to waste my only chance at life to live it as a Mormon.

During the last week before my baptism we went through the baptism process. I would be completely under water when baptized. I could choose who would baptize me. I chose David. I went along with everything, even though I knew I would not allow myself to be baptized. The missionaries told me that the day before my baptism a person who held priesthood would interview me. That’s maybe not such a fitting word, but I don’t really know what to call it. They told me about what kind of questions he was going to ask me. There were questions about if I believed in god, if I believed Jesus was his son, if I believed Joseph Smith was a prophet. There were also questions about if I had ever had extra-marital sex, or engaged in homosexual relationships. I asked what would happen if I “theoretically” answered yes on either of those questions. They told me that then the priest would just ask me what had drove me to sin, if I regretted it, and then we would work together for a way for me to gain salvation. I now knew what I had to do. I knew how to sever my ties with the church. I had a hard time being rude with these Mormons in any way, but honesty is the best virtue.

The day of the interview came. I headed for the church, and met Mr. Sagan, who would be interviewing me. We entered an extremely small room. He asked me how I was and told me not to be nervous, since the interview wasn’t really hard. Oh, I didn’t expect it to be. I was still nervous, since I would have to come clean about my beliefs. Then he hit me with the first question.

“Do you believe in God our heavenly Father?”
I sat quiet for two seconds. Those two seconds felt really long and awkward. I took a deep breath and responded.
“No”
He was caught off guard. He had no idea what to do or say.
“No?” he asked me.
“No. I’m sorry. I have to be honest with you, but I do not believe in god.”
He sat thinking for a while. He had no idea how to continue. I guess this doesn’t really happen that often. He decided to just continue asking questions.
“Do you believe that Jesus Christ is the son of our heavenly Father?”
“Well it’s kind of hard to believe he is the son of a god I don’t believe in”
“Do you believe that Joseph Smith is our prophet and has restored the original church of Jesus Christ?”
I almost felt sorry for him. He had no idea what to do.
“This is not going anywhere, I’m sorry. I don’t believe in god, and I don’t think there is anything you can do to change my mind”
“Why?” he finally asked me.
“Oh the reasons are too many to list. Questions about whether or not god exists can’t be summed up in just a couple of sentences. I would need two weeks. Basically it is too easy to refute religion with both modern science and holy scriptures themselves.”

He was thinking deep. Thinking of what to do. He wondered if the missionaries hadn’t talked with me about what I believed in and tried to tell what they though. I had to say that they hadn’t. We never spoke of my personal views. We always concentrated on the views of the church. We decided to move the date of my baptism and have the missionaries question me about my views our next meeting. The missionaries were down below, and I caught a glimpse at the computer Hitchens was working on. He was preparing a Power Point-presentation and I saw my name and a picture of a baptism on it. Comfortable. Just think if John the Baptist would’ve had access to Power Points. The priest told them that I was not ready, and we set a time for our next meeting.

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